Track 2

I'm falling in love with how he speaks to me through music that he plays for me
Intentions amplified with the meaning in the lyrics and the melody
We're silent and I'm driving; these songs are getting at the best of me
Takes my hand to his lips and lets a kiss get at the rest of me
This is his personal contradiction to the way he lives his life:
Flagrantly single; he should be beckoning the anti-wife
But I'm anti-trife, so I'm letting it flow;
The shit he did last week to piss me off, I'm letting it go
He changes the song but keeps the mood steady and controlled
Now I hear the words in his heart that he keeps untold
I slow down and turn to him to let him know I'm listening
He knods his head in silence as the song is finishing.
His eyes (unlike his words) never lie or make promises he can't maintain
But they tell me at this moment I'm the reason he's sane
A little tipsy, I'm tempted to say something kinda crazy
But I know it's just the situation making me hazy
So I refrain, the song changes, he continues the theme of love
Still I know it's just a theory and not the theme of us
He thinks I'm in it for the sex,
I think he's in it 'til the next
So we're cautious to avoid having to live with regrets -
He kisses my hand again, I guess he felt me moving away
Which is funny because I really only wanted to stay
This time he lets his lips linger just above my skin
Between the music and his energy I want to give in
I want to give all
I want to be able to fall
If I need anything I want it to be him that I call

Hard For Me To Write These Words

I write what I'm feeling and what I'm living
What I'm needing and what I'm missing
I write the words you somehow couldn't say
Or at the very least you couldn't figure out a way
So I take the emotions you feel and give them a voice
I do it like I never really had a choice...

Still, it's hard to write these words...
Afraid that some of you might figure out the nouns and connect them to the verbs...
Connect the voice to the source of my laughter
Connect the face with my prose about the mornings after
My presumed sexuality on display for your voyeuristic needs
Your assumptions blur my fictions with my realities

I shouldn't really care.
Doing this makes me feel like I exist here.
Like the part of me that's dormant during my 9 to 5
Finally gets to prove that it too is alive
That my life isn't a monotonous transition from home to work to play
That my world is made up of more than the hours in this day
I exist beyond the physical matter and the parts of me you see
I am a part of some vision you have yet to dream,
Or I'm a part of some past experience you've remembered to forget
Then my words give that feeling new life and you forget to regret
Because you know somewhere someone is sharing that load
How can I connect with a memory you know is yours alone?
That's what these words are to me
A way to express empathy

I write what I'm dreaming of and hoping for
I write when I've given too much or when I'm owing more
I write when I'm lacking and feeling nothing at all
I write when I'm angry because he forgot to call...
I write about his kisses making me weak
I write about him sexing me until I forget how to speak
I write about the confusion of love and the need for lust
I write about the want for security when there's a lack of trust

But I hope I'm writing your thoughts when you're searching for closure
I hope they reach you when you're on earth but Hell seems closer
I hope they make you realize your unique pain is actually pretty plain
And that trying to be normal is actually pretty fucking insane.

I'll take the storms along with the sun to gain appreciation for both
Knowing the extremes is what keeps giving this poetry growth
And maybe that's a metaphor for the things I've put my heart through and the reasons why
But at least it's just as easy for me to smile as it is for me to cry

That may be a lie...

But...I'm working on it through words
Figuring out the nouns and connecting them with verbs
So as I glide my fingers easily over these keys;
And as your eyes greedily devour what I feed
We're both connected in this moment through a trail of my needs and wants
To me that's worth the nakedness I feel when you're consuming my thoughts

Balance

He makes me happy when I'm mad, tho he's the source of my woe
But the balance is amazing like Kanye's girls on their toes
And I could run away but really just how far could I go?
I take two steps and he yells out "but I'm a part of your soul"
I turn around, meet his gaze and defiantly yell back "so?"
His smiling response is "I just like telling you what you already know"
I would hit him but it's pointless 'cause he's used to pain
I would cry but he's immune because he's used to the rain
So I laugh and disarm him with my ability to stay sane
(This is no easy task when you're playing his game)
The reality of it is, I'm a woman he would love to love
And he's a man I would love to give all the above
But we're just too busy with other versions of ourselves
That we manage to forget to feel what we felt...
Does that make sense? It's like we're planning to someday be in love
But I'm busy from today until the fourth of next month
And he's got that thing he's gotta do with those people from before
So we're back to having one foot in and one foot out of the door
I tell him what I need and he tells me what he's able to give
I tell him how I see, he tells me how he's able to live
And I'm able to forgive, but he's impossible to forget
The frustration powerful but short lived and so is the regret
Before you know it we're back to making each other laugh
And that thing that made me cry is just a part of our past
Just a part of our story
Just a part of our song
The melancholy melody I sing when I'm alone
Which is more often than you'd think with all this poetry I write
But I don't need quantity when the quality of passion is right
Which is funny because honestly I'm not even his type
Over-thick, over-confident, and OVER being contrite
And I'm not into all this drama over being his wife
Like the chics that's into fighting just to be in his life
But I digress, all I'm saying is he's amazing to know
And if the highs don't outweigh, they at least equal the lows
I hope I always have his kind of energy beside me
Even if its in the soul of a different love that finds me
Being "with" him has proven that life has yet to define me
And the hurt I've felt from before is definitely behind me
Otherwise I wouldn't be able to feel the way I feel
Or give so much of myself even when there's nothing to receive
I'd be too scared of getting hurt to let in this kind of uncertainty
Focus only on who he was instead of encouraging who he can be
And maybe he can't be, maybe there's no such thing as change
Maybe me throwing caution to the wind is kind of strange
But he makes me feel the blood moving from my heart to my thighs
And for now that's worth every single low on the way to every single high.

Kiss Me

Damn I love the way you kiss me...

That's the kiss I crave when my desire is at its peak
That's the feeling right before love and just after the one that makes me leak
The one that makes me feel we'll never need a reason to speak
That's the kind of kiss that makes a strong heart weak...
Or beat.
Those things you tell me you feel, often lack critical actions
But when you're kissing me I'm granted sublime satisfaction
My hand gently caressing your face in natural reaction
To the way you're lips caress mine with so much passion
I imagine,
Time comes to a stop so we can just keep on having
We're consuming this energy like from pleasure we were fasting
I was starving for something I never knew I craved
And what I didn't know was inside me to give, I gave
You say
I'm someone special and worthy; deserving of love
And though I feel it won't be you who fills that part of me up
I pretend that your words are more than enough
Until I'm drifting through a dream of the potential of us
And trust
When you combine your kiss with your power and you stroke me to sleep
And then you hold me through the night like you're playing for keeps
I almost give you the part of me that's been out of your reach...
But my mind knows what my body and heart refuse to believe
Or see..
That what feels so secure in my grasp has never belonged to me
That words don't bind hearts and what seems caged is really free
That I am only privy to one version of the man you choose to be
But its ok because in this moment from this man that's everything I need..

And of course...

...For you to kiss me.

A to Z

Always Being Consistent,
Destiny Emits Fleeting Grief.
His Image Justified Kisses
Love Made New Opinions;
Pre-set Quick Reactions...
Started To Use Variation,
While X-tending Your Zeal.

Say No To Drugs

He's so bad for me...
My own personal sin
But I always give in.

He's never shy, his kiss says everything
Slow and deep he's giving me everything
Taking the time to touch me beyond my skin
Saying the things lovers whisper when lights go dim
But he leaves those intentions with me when he goes
Because it's something like an impossibility; summer and snow
Or rather it's a feeling he practices giving like a dress rehearsal
And the minute that he's gone it's a total reversal

But I'm addicted, and I wanna stay off the wagon
I'll take the drug through overdoses of injections and passion
Then it wraps me in its false sense of security through the night
The high fades when hes out of my sight.

He's a dangerous combination of right and wrong
Like discovering your most hated artist made your favorite song
You love the track so you just keep singing along
And try to ignore the feeling telling you the two don't belong...

Together.
But you can't ignore the weather.
You can say it's sunny when it's raining;
But you'll only end up wetter...

So even if I screamed I didn't care that he's not mine
Or If I say he's just something that I'm doing to pass the time
There's a very good chance I'm gonna cross that line
And end up wishing I could press delete after pressing rewind....

Because...

He's so bad for me.
My own personal sin...
And even if I hesitate...

I always give in.

*sigh*

More Than That

I once had a man gone in 60 seconds;

He reached his peak before he could even conjure up a full word to speak.

I'm so good at tapping into your energy and amping up the power until everything is clear

Skilled as a concert pianist; I touch you here, sound comes out there.

I can play you hard and fast or soft and nimbly;

Apply the meaning of a melody to the movement of our bodies.

Maybe in another life I was an Empath...

Because I feel what you feel and then I make it last

I can satisfy someone I care for by knowing exactly what they're craving

And I'm not ashamed that what I do with my tongue is kind of amazing

I enjoy every minute of making you squirm

But there's so much more about me to learn....

From this same mouth that kisses you into a frenzy and tastes you into submission

I speak words that I wish you could see beyond a bedroom vision.

My mind is so much more than capable of handling your body's needs

I need more than just the vibrations your penetration always makes me feel

Beyond the supple soft mounds of flesh on my chest you love to caress

Beats a heart that should be considered more often; not less.

My legs can walk beside you as you travel through the light and the dark

They can even lead you to happiness beyond that which you feel when they're spread apart

These hands can build a love greater than one you'd ever even hoped...

How about I try your ego instead of that rod of power the next time you need something stroked?

I'm just saying: Can we connect beyond that level of intimacy?

Or is my belief that our pleasure can go beyond your phallus just a fallacy?

I'm more than a temptress, seductress, or a lyric in a Nicki Minaj song

(You know, the one I giggle to whenever it comes on...)

I'm more than curves and body and soft and delectable

(Even though I love the way you find my desire so edible)

I'm more than a reason to get hard

I'm more than your personal porn star

I'm more than hot sex on your platter

I'm more, but that doesn't seem to matter.

What's crazy is the closer you get to the heart of me,

The stronger my appetite becomes in that part of me...

You do the math.