I had it all fucked up.
I forgot love was supposed to be the antidote and not the drug
Wasn't supposed to have me strung out, making bad decisions just to get another hit.
Shit.
And who was I to think I could inhale until the room spun
I mean fuck him til we both numb
I mean suck him til he's all done
You were my playful poison
Toxic words permeating my blood stream til I needed them to breathe
Each time I'd try to quit you'd force a stronger dose
Often mixing the words with the injections - and these I craved the most.
I sigh out a lethargic "what is this I'm feeling" while you pump me full of measured deception
"It's love, baby" and you push deep until I forget this is only your intended perception
And you bury that knowledge with a stroke that's been practiced to perfection
Every time I see you I'm hoping you fill me up
And you, my supplier, gave me just enough love, I mean, just enough drug
Just enough you to make me think there would always be an us
Strung out with a perfect smile...invisible track marks - no needles necessary
Was supposed to be recreational but now I'm laced til my heart ended up in a mortuary
But I feel buried alive, not dead inside
Actually praying for the cold to cover my soul so nothing burns with frustration or desire
Because chasing a high that doesn't exist creates an unquenchable fire
But love is supposed to be the antidote, not the drug
I'm not supposed to break out in a cold sweat when I'm missing your hug
And you'll just sit there cool, calm, collected; smug
While I stand in the street losing my voice from screaming at the top of my lungs
But it's more like a whisper because I'm weak from the blow
And I'm trying to find the energy to just say no.
