The Antidote; The Drug

I had it all fucked up.
I forgot love was supposed to be the antidote and not the drug
Wasn't supposed to have me strung out, making bad decisions just to get another hit.
Shit.
And who was I to think I could inhale until the room spun
I mean fuck him til we both numb
I mean suck him til he's all done

You were my playful poison
Toxic words permeating my blood stream til I needed them to breathe
Each time I'd try to quit you'd force a stronger dose
Often mixing the words with the injections - and these I craved the most.
I sigh out a lethargic "what is this I'm feeling" while you pump me full of measured deception
"It's love, baby" and you push deep until I forget this is only your intended perception
And you bury that knowledge with a stroke that's been practiced to perfection

Every time I see you I'm hoping you fill me up
And you, my supplier, gave me just enough love, I mean, just enough drug
Just enough you to make me think there would always be an us
Strung out with a perfect smile...invisible track marks - no needles necessary
Was supposed to be recreational but now I'm laced til my heart ended up in a mortuary
But I feel buried alive, not dead inside
Actually praying for the cold to cover my soul so nothing burns with frustration or desire
Because chasing a high that doesn't exist creates an unquenchable fire

But love is supposed to be the antidote, not the drug
I'm not supposed to break out in a cold sweat when I'm missing your hug
And you'll just sit there cool, calm, collected; smug
While I stand in the street losing my voice from screaming at the top of my lungs
But it's more like a whisper because I'm weak from the blow
And I'm trying to find the energy to just say no.

Making it Hard for Me

You're making it hard for me

My lips are set to say no, and I do
But what was once a yell becomes a whisper and I can't hear my one little word of dismissal over the sound of your persistence.
Still I'm...putting up a resistance.
Ignoring the love, I focus on the anger
I let go of our "before" and I focus on the after
Because my happiness before I learned the truth meant nothing after he made me cry
After beautiful promises made way to ugly lies
...keep telling myself to "hold on to goodbye"
But my thoughts spin and become jumbled and the only thing that's clear
Is you.
Here.
In my face telling me I'm beautiful and impossible to forget
Kissing whispers in my ears causing a tightening in my chest
My answer remains "no" even if a question wasn't asked of me
Even if a statement was made about how your love was for eternity
"No."
I hold on to the two letters like they could save my life
Like they could be my weapon to destroy any vision I had of being your wife
But my voice is shaking and my eyes can't stay still
And even when I tell you "don't touch me," you will
I tell you to stop but your hand is on my face
And your lips find their place
And my heart falls from grace...

....and you're making it hard for me
I turn away and fight the urge to touch you back
Call the bartender over and order a little ginger and a lot of jack
As I drink I wish it would make the light I see in you fade to black
But it just blurs the lines and loosens my lips
Your hand rests on my thigh and with every sip, I drip
You plead with me to ignore reason and logic and follow my heart
"Don't let bullshit like this tear us apart"
Right.
The bartender visits a few more times before the end of the night
I stand up to leave but you're holding on to me tight
Walk me over to the back away from the crowd and the loud
Kiss me slowly like that was allowed.
Like I gave you permission to grab my waist
To consume my energy like it was candy to taste
And how dare my eyes be closed and my body limp
And why is it all I can feel now is a throb, and a drip...
And of course....
You.
Here.
Making it hard for me..

I feel the strength in your conviction pressed up against my dress
"N...Yes"
I mean your tongue is on my neck and your hand is on my breast
"Yes."
I mean my leg is wrapping around your waist, begging for what's next
"Yes."
I mean you grab my thigh pushing me against the wall giving me more and taking no less
"Yes."
I mean I lost the crowd and if you wanted to take it now I'd give in to this mess
"Yes."
I mean I want you to tap into that anger from all the afters and fuck me until I release this stress
"Yes."
I mean you're telling me you love me, I'm you're only and I'm the best
"Yes."
Because there is no rest
"Yes"
 "It's real baby, you don't have to question or guess"
"Yes"

Now I'm just a warm puddle of submission
Trying to forget to remember any of your omissions
I want to stay but I need to leave
I reach down and feel how you're making it hard...for...me

His Version of L.O.V.E.

Let's Offer Varying Emotions...

I'll cry and you can laugh
I'll give you all and you can give me half
When you walk, I'll run, and when I walk, you'll stand
You be the rock star, I'll be the fan.
Say something that makes the crowd adore you
Then tell me how I'm the only one for you

Let Others Verify Everything...

Tomorrow I'll publicize my dismay; keep my followers fed
You can ignore my naked rants and privately text me instead
Privately sex me; give me head
Make it the best I've ever had so the craving has no end
I'll give you everything right back
Suck you slow til you fade to black

Let Our Vibrations Echo...

Your energy bounces off mine; we switch our purpose
Exchange lust for love until the energy is nervous
Unstable, untame; unbridled, unnamed
Confusing art with chaos like they're one and the same
My storm and your calm collide and my body tenses as I brace for the scream
But you cover my mouth to keep all that energy inside of me

Lest Our Vision Erase...

You paint the picture of our "love" every day
But it's funny because, I don't remember falling the same way
Actions always fall short of words unless the noun is 'passion'
I inspire you to rise, but never shine past your arrival at satisfaction
I beg you to let me go; you beg me to let you stay
Your pull is stronger than my push so we always have it your way..

Lust's Obsession Voids Everything...

And we painstakingly try to make the music match the melody
But no matter what, the rhythm follows no beat and the tune is off key
Still haunted by the possibility of what could be, we lose time
We lose trust, we lose heart, we lose patience; at least I lost mine
Used to pray for happiness, now I just pray not to feel the pain
And if the sun refuses to shine at least protect me from the rain

Just Need A Minute

Says he just needs a minute
And I gave him over 365 days
Time doesn't seem to be on my side
Or be enough to change his ways
When love entered our collective vocabulary Hope grew new wings
But the cage of broken promises rendered them two useless things
...and we all know why the caged bird sings...

Sign over my head says "work in progress"
And the errors in my early construction are basically harmless
But there's cracks in his foundation he's never bothered to mend
So he threatens to collapse with a change of the wind
...but we're friends.

So I roll up my sleeves and say let's fix it together
He says cool, but gimme a minute 'cause my design could be better
I tell him he's crazy, the design is perfect; one of the most beautiful ever
And if we don't start soon this minute could turn into forever
...but whatever

He's already shut the doors so I can only comment from the exterior
Yell to him but through the concrete my voice sounds inferior
Those locked doors hold me back from his past,
They guard the secrets in his present he thinks I can't look past
He doesn't see the future's coming fast

Said he just needs a minute
But I gave him over 365 days
Time doesn't seem to be on my side
Or be enough to change his ways
After a while I say I'll come back later, and I head for the gate
He says he's ONE SECOND away and pleads with me to wait
...Its been 7 months to the date.

Tho he's let me in the main entrance, I've never seen the master suite
But he says it will be amazing and he can't wait for me to see it
I've adjusted a few mirrors, hung the address on the door
And I've told him I could really be helping a lot more
He just acts like he doesn't hear me; another locked door.

Gave him a minute then an hour then days now its a year
Try to head back but realize we've built a maze in here
Now I'm stuck between fighting for my own escape
Or fighting to help someone I love find a much better fate
Tough choice to make..
 
I guess I just need a minute
 
Note:  This blog was inspired by Chris Classic's "NeedAMinute" on the mixtape SummerClassic3 which is available for free download here
 

 
 
Follow him @MrChrisClassic
Folow me @NeicyMarie

Brainstorm

Outside the thunder and lightening fill the sky
The rain bounces against the window and the bottle of wine is empty
I kissed him.
I let my lips give and take the pressure from his while he moved his hands down the curve on my side between my breasts and my hips.
I moaned a little.
Felt my nipples tense with desire and my skin get hot.
I felt the seam of my jeans in between my thighs rub slightly on my now sensitive clit.
I put my hand on his face...a caring embrace
Tried to slow the feeling rising in me.
I pulled away, blushed.
He looked me in my eyes, then at my lips, bit his and re-engaged that kiss
I gave up holding back.
I want what he's craving just as bad if not worse
He moved his hands from my waist down around the curve of my ass and when he found his home, he squeezed.
Again, I moaned.
He continued to squeeze and rub, his kisses went back and forth between continuous and long
To soft and slow, sucking on my bottom lip as he pulled away
Only for a moment...just long enough to look me in my eyes
I sighed.
Felt my hands move down his waist, over his belt, undoing the buckle
Unbuttoning then unzipping his pants...
He kept kissing me until I grabbed the tops of his jeans and pulled them down.
His boxers sat just below his belly button
The indent in his sides were prominent and I let my fingers trace that little valley until I got to the top of the last flimsy piece of material separating me from his glory
I pulled them down, he stepped out of his boxers and his jeans, leaving them in a messy pile under his feet
We moved towards the bed, he's still kissing me, but he's pulled my shirt up over my head, and tossed it in the corner
I push him down, unhook my bra and pull his head towards my nipples, which were now screaming for attention
He takes them into his mouth, his lips enveloping as much as they could, while the broad middle of his tongue applied soft and even pressure to my nipples
I closed my eyes, felt my clit pulsate in excitement.
I pull away, kiss him again, put my knees on the ground and admire his passion
Every vein, the length, the color, the strength.
I was in love with it. I wet my lips and kissed it.
I kissed the tip, licked around the perimeter and kissed it again.
Again I lick my lips, close them slightly and let the pressure of pulling him into my mouth open them just enough
He tenses up and lets out a sound of pleasure
I put my hand around the base and slowly move my mouth over the head
Up and down with soft pressure from my tongue and my lips
He touches my hair and closes his eyes.
My mouth is watering and I take my tongue and wet every inch of his desire
Put the shaft between my lips and slide up and down along the full length of him,
Pausing at the top to suck on the head
He grabs my hair tighter.
He wants it all inside of me.
I comply
Keeping my hands on the base I take whats now slippery and hard and swallow as much as I could.
As I slide him inside my tongue throbs along the veins that are pulsating in my mouth.
Once I've got all of him in me I let let the head bounce up and down against the back of my throat
Opening me up a little more
I reach out with my tongue while hes still fully submerged and I lick the round pockets of flesh that's just past the base
He sighs.
I can't breathe, so I slowly slide up, releasing him, but still stroking him with my hands.
He's grateful for not allowing any interruptions in pleasure. 
I let my breasts envelope his base while I play with his head with my hands.
I kiss his stomach, kiss a trail right back down to his need
I take a deep breath and slide him back inside.
He's so excited, his energy is making my midsection throb against my tight jeans
Every time I move I feel little burst of pleasure
Close my eyes so i can feel where he's throbbing and give those areas special attention
I slide him in and out of my mouth, slowly, then a little faster...
I pause at the tip every now and then, play with it while I use my hands to stroke the shaft
After some time he whispers..."I'm about to cum"
My body feels like I'm going to also
I find the rhythm he loves the most
Bounce up and down on my knees so my breasts come up and down against his thigh
And my clit goes up and down against that seam I told you about
And his dick goes up and down inside my mouth
He grabs my head and starts to stroke against my tongue
All the while repeating "I'm about to cum"
I feel the pressure as he fills up inside me
The first warm salty taste and I'm ready
My body explodes as I orgasm simultaneously
And I suck every drop out until he's drained
And I'm tamed.
The storm's over but I'm still raining

Modern Fairytale: Prince Charming

Once upon a time, in a land only in our minds
There was a prince who was faithful, generous and kind
He had a six foot plus frame and skin kissed by the sun
And though desired by many, he only loved one.
He cherished every moment he had to be with her
Proclaimed his love to everyone, even facebook and twitter!
He bought her flowers on days when he thought she needed a lift
Thoughtful in his gestures, generous with his gifts
His words were bonds and his actions were great
His politeness was evident, even after their first date.
He did not confuse a queen with a peasant or a hoe
And though he only chased money, he put her above his dough
He never smothered her, nor did he leave her floundering with space
He cooked her meals with his own pots, on his own stove in his own place
When she went out her way to return each and every favor
He was grateful for her attention so in her favor, he did savor.
Although a greater lover she would never find in this land,
He was first her best friend, and always her man
When the time came for their opinions to differ from each other
He never called her out her name or forgot that he loved her
He never lied or manipulated; his intentions were true
So she never doubted him when he whispered to her "I love you"
He was impressed with her mind and enamored with her style
He paid attention to the things that would always make her smile
When the time came for them to marry and create children of their own
He was sure to make sure their house STAYED a home
He taught strength through courage and was morally sound
Kept to each of his promises, and his queen always held him down
He loved hip hop and music, but never let a lyric dictate his life
He never used words like "bitch" when describing his wife
....

(to be continued)

Greatest Love

I listen to you and you always make sense
I build up walls and you break through my every defense
I try to hide those things I feel that show my vulnerability
Those empty spaces in my heart that only you fill in me..
But you speak them into the air, and it's beautiful to my ears
You touch every part of my soul from my strengths to my fears
I wonder why I was so scared to hold them to the light
Every time I feel my thoughts going left, you make them right
Nothing compares to you. Nothing makes me feel like you do
It's so pure, the love I have for you
At my lowest lows, you comfort me
At my highest highs you fly with me
You motivate me to do better and be greater
I'm grateful for you then, now, and later.
To you:
My eternal song; ever changing melody
Complimenting feelings through necessary harmony
Pulsating rhythm keeping me steady in time
I hold you in my energy, I keep you in my mind

Thank you.

Good Morning...

Warm body under cold sheets
I feel the pulse slow, even though this city never sleeps
The sun peeking through the shades cause my eyes to flutter under closed lids
I start to move to a more conscious state but I'd rather be dreaming about what he did
Somewhere in the middle I remember his presence above my skin
I feel his energy pulling mine up as his lips moved softly to my cheek, and then pressed in
I sigh happily because I think I must still be dreaming,
I feel my lips get wet in anticipation of what I'm needing
The softness of his touch contradicting how voracious he was last night
Like my passion was something he could just could ignite
He just sets my body on fire over and over again
I fight the love until my body starts to throb and just give in
Again I feel his energy come closer to mine
Feel his lips press against my lips, then my eyes.
I smile
He whispers "I love you" and his voice is so soft and deep
My eyes are still closed but my body is far from asleep
He kisses my forehead and I can feel my love start to form puddles of pleasure
Contract the muscles surrounding my passion to relieve some pressure
Lazily I drift back into a state of bliss
Remembering the satisfaction of every kiss
He stays a moment more, touches my hand before he leaves
I wake up recalling his actions like they were part of my dream
But I still feel his energy; I can relive each scene when I close my eyes
Thats my good morning, and I'll savor it, until he's back to give me my good night...

Keeping It Real

"Girl he's not even worth your tears!
Be strong; he already got you for too many years!
Don't give him another second of your energy or time,
You're too beautiful and talented to waste on his kind
He's a dog! He's a player! You can do better, and that's real!"
....Could you please shut the fuck up and give my heart a chance to heal?

I'm sorry. I know that you're just trying to help
I know you're trying to help me unfeel what I felt
But really? I need a chance to process this pain
Because despite what you think, I really loved what's his name
I know you never understood how I could fall for his type
But MY heart and MY love doesn't have to make sense in YOUR life
I'm not a child. I don't need you to fix what's now broken
That's my responsibility alone, all I need are your arms to be open
I just need to be able to talk to my friend
I just need you to listen and not say a thing
I don't need you to judge the tears I'm going to cry
And say "how could you be sad over that kind of guy"
That kind of guy wrote me the most beautiful words
That kind of guy's touch made me forget how to hurt
I don't need you to make me forget about the nights we lay in pleasure
I don't need you to parade new men and force me to choose, compare and measure
So don't tell me to ignore the weather.

If it's raining let me feel it so I know what it's like to be wet
Let me see the clouds form and the skies darken; the sun is NOT out....yet.
I will not drown in sorrow. I will not become consumed by this moment
But if I don't first hold it how can I ever let go of it...
Right?
Right.
There isn't a magic phrase or word you're going to say to make this better
So don't try; if this girl wants to cry, just let her.
I need to be honest to myself and feel what I feel
So when I do smile again, you'll know I'm keeping it real.

This won't be easy

This won't be an easy road.
I won't always be warm, some days will feel cold.
Sometimes the rain will seem unending and the clouds will seem static
The smile I dawn when you walk in a room won't always be automatic
You'll start to wonder if I'm still in love with you
Or has the time and the pain altered my view
But you can relax, love, you're a part of my song
You're the melody in my heart that will always belong
Sometimes I'll sing it off key or forget a few words
But it will always be the track my soul prefers
You may need to hold me up when I'm feeling weak
Or find the meaning in my actions when I fail to speak
But I promise to do the same through the laughter and tears
And you'll never have to wonder if anyone cares
I'll always be here.

Tweet said she doesn't care if she and him stay together
'Cause that's the part that never lasts forever
So even if tomorrow we find there's new experiences to be had
And the touch I crave is no longer from your hand
My love is unconditional; I will always feel you
And if you need me the concern I show will be real too

Right now we're somewhere between hello and see you soon
We can't tell if the 12 means midnight or noon
The waiting is cruel, so the patience is crucial
Don't pump your breaks or speed up; let's just float into neutral

Here We Go Again...

I think I got a crush on your wintertime style
That's why I always greet you with a blush and a smile
You think it's crazy that I still act so humble and shy
After all the personal attention you've given my inner thigh...
But that's just the way I am when I'm digging a guy
Move from low key to falsetto when he's digging me right
How we dreaming with no sleep through the entire night?
How you got me laughing and moaning til the sun's in my eyes?
That's your gift and my curse always making me sigh
Living in the moments where in your arms I die
Grounded in the moments where in your arms I fly
We take shallow steps in deep waters
You love me like we're trying to make sons and daughters
There is no anxiety, no questions, no regrets
Just staggered breathing, loving moans and a bed full of sweat
Thoughts filled with "yes"
Sinful what we're doing but I feel blessed
I feel like the best and you feel like my only
Even if you're just my temporary cure for lonely...

Now That You're A Memory

If you thought the way I loved you was a thing most would envy
You should see how I'm loving him now that you're a memory
He doesn't make me worry 'bout where...
He's been or who he saw or...
What club he went to with his homies
He's strong enough to hold me
So I'm nothing like the old me
Now I'm proud to sing our whole truth.
But I'm happy to have known you
Because of every lie you told me
I can appreciate his honesty
His roots run deep into this love we're committing
I don't have to hope for next lifetime to find a joy I can live in
He's my everything -
So everything I'm giving him
Are reflections of the inner him
So naturally I'm into him
Even when I'm out with him
(I'm loving him)
Because of him I'm over "him"
Now everything feels good again
So when I smile, it's not pretend
My lover, my leader, my best friend
He's not an addiction; he doesn't alter my reality
He's not an affliction; he's not the kind of man who hurts me
He's no contradiction; he doesn't say what he doesn't mean
He loves with conviction: there's no denying what he feels for me
So why wouldn't I give him all the best parts of my affection?
Of course I'm making his happiness my love's only intention!
He carries my heart like a King, not the court's best jester
So the baggage and the damage from you I never let fester
I shed myself of negativity because of everything he's given me
I love him like my power comes from the goddess Aphrodite
I love him with urgency
I love him with passion
I give him positive energy
He turns his promises into action

You never allowed me to give you this kind of love
You were shady and kept me bound without the warmth of the sun
No, you weren't the one.
But I guess it was fun.
And though I don't regret loving you, I'm glad that we're done.

And If you thought the way I loved you was a thing most would envy
You should see the way I'm loving him,
Now that you're a memory.

Rough Night

He said he had a rough day so I'll let him give me a rough night
I'll take the pain without putting up a fight
Or maybe I might...
Depends on how he wants me to react
Close my eyes and take it? Or push and pull right back...
Fact:
He's worth the rug burns and the red ass and tomorrow's wash and set
He's worth the dizziness I'll feel when his hands are around my neck...
I don't ever regret letting him make me sweat and getting me soaking wet
I'm getting a little hot thinking about what he hasn't even started to do yet...
My Mission: Submission
Willing lips will take a firm grip of just the tip then the whole stick...
Eyes tearing up from trying to swallow my meal whole
Back of my throat swelling up to the stroke's tempo
He won't let go
Hands on the back of my head forcing me stay low
I'm ok though...
And if he doesn't want to let that pipe burst where I quench thirst,
He'll pick me up and turn me over to where we started first
I'll let him take out all of his days frustrations until he reaches that point of elation
That's why he knows when he feels down I'll give him that elevation
My rough night is how I'll save him from his rough day
Then I'll stumble up and ask him "baby are you hungry?"

He Thinks I'm....

He thinks I'm beautiful
The kind of beauty you see during a sunset
'Cause when he's with me it's the only time he feels blessed
And when he's in me is the only time he's not stressed
Not the model dime chic in the club your homies consider a conquest
Not a pageant winning carbon cut out wearing a tight dress
...or much less...
Yet still my beauty he admires on my worst day
And when we touch he proves he wants me in the worst way
He makes me come before and after like Friday to Thursday
He's never stingy with his love when it comes to word play
I must say-
He's in love with more than just what I appear to be
He takes the time to know the desires of the inner me
He encourages the talents even I don't see
And when I doubt, he kisses me slow until I too believe
...I'm beautiful.

Power

Damn baby...
You can just fuck me like that?
Make the chills run from my neck to the small of my back?
I used to fight this kind of love, but now I just relax
Now I just react -
Like the way a body naturally moves to the pounding of drums (boom-clack, boom-boom-clack)
This is bedroom music and you got the remix on repeat
How many times in one night can I reach new limits before you put me to sleep?
One...two...three...four...
Damn baby I can't take anymore
My confession breaks your intensity and you knowingly smile...
You whisper "yes you can" and I know you're gonna be in it for a while
I brace myself for the continuous flow of familiar pleasures
Back against the bed, legs up above my head he's taking extreme measures
I've begun to give in and not squirm so much
Been since college that in an hour I'd learn so much
You grab my ass and pull me up so only my head is touching the sheets
You never stop the rythm of the stroke and I'm in disbelief...
My eyes roll back as you reach the wall most never knew was there
First a tap, then a knock, now you're banging loud and clear
I roll my hips into your thrusts and I feel myself leaking
My eyes roll so far back I see what I'm thinking
Now my legs are shaking in reaction to the walls you're breaking
My body's torn between desire and exhaustion but I'm moving with no caution
You spread my legs wide and...holy shit you're in me deeper
Lean down and kiss me slow helping me to breathe in deeper
You're stroke is sending my body in a frenzy but your love is calming me down
And I'm two steps from heaven but 3 feet off the ground
You use sex as a weapon and you're killing me softly as it flows
I die in your arms like Shakespeare meant in his prose
I'm sure I'm not the first you've put in this hearse
But how many have put your actions to verse
So many flaws but so many perfections
So much beauty from so many erections
So much pleasure silencing so many questions
So much purpose but not many intentions
I can't recall how the seconds turned to minutes and then hours
But you're amazing and I'm gazing thinking "no one man should have all this power"

Beauty and the Beast

We spend every day remaking the hood version of beauty and the beast
But we're both kinda fly so its more like calamity and the peace.
They say you are the bull in my china shop
But there's no red to mess up your head so instead of charging you just huff a lot...
...and puff a lot.

Staring in my eyes you're calm
But outside distractions always bring the threat of your storm
I tell you to focus and I move slow
People warning me you're wild and untamed like I don't already know...
Like I don't already have a few scars on a few parts of my heart
Every time I think "this is how it ends," you're like "nah, this is how it restarts"
I get it.
And I see clearly how I might soon regret it.
But they don't feel nearly how much we connected
Or how we need barely a kiss to be tempted
So I end it and you mend it and we begin it again
The outside gets smaller and the bond gets stronger between lover and friend
Or am I simply in love with healing?
If so these wounds I'm feeling
Might as well be self inflicted since addiction is the reason I'm not leaving..

No.
I entertained the thought until I felt your heart - that's why I won't go.
I see beyond the mess and the stress to the part of you most don't know
It's the light I love, and while most see darkness to me you always glow

You're no bull; just more concerned with what you could than what you should
And I am not interested in being compared to rows of fragile goods
I am far from delicate in nature or composition
My reactions based not just on facts but on intuition
And my vision
I see far beyond my beauty and your beast
I see past this calamity...and into our peace.

FML

He said "Forget My Lies," like I can just rewind time
I said "Forgive Me Leaving," like I've made up my mind
He says "Face Me, Love," because my back is turned to his advances
I ask "Fight My Logic?" because I hate second chances
He suggests "Follow My Lead," and I feel my heart stir again
I plead "Free My Love!" like I'm bound by an invisible chain
He begs "Feel My Love," and now my heart is beating fast
I offer "Find Me Later?" so he can first remove his past
He whispers "Find My Lips" and moves closer to my body
I say "Fuck My Life" and give in because he's got me