#8 To This Day

To this day I say, "Welcome."
"Be free beyond your yesterday and suffer not from future consequences.
I hold you dear as a gift; as a collection of my past and a prequel to my tomorrows.
What clues will I spy on this eve to give me glimpses into next week's scenes?
And should I cry today, pray forgiveness in my moment of shallow self doubt.
After all that's really what crying is about."

To this day I say, "Thank you."
"With your ocean breezes and warm sun I don't deserve you but I'll take you.
I'll sift the sand between my fingers and feel the earths perfect balance
I'll let you surround my body with this spirit of completeness
I'll sit silent and let the waves sing freely, never interrupting the constant song
Or maybe I'll silently sing along."

To this day I say, "Goodbye love."
I won't be saddened by the end
I'll surrender to the blanket of night and take the darkness to be necessary for the coming light
Pray faithfully for the coming of the dawn, or the coming of His arms.
Perhaps they are the same thing, in which case I say,
"Welcome."

#7 Intuition

I can't stand when men say,
But baby where's the proof?
I have no proof in the existence of God
But my faith tells me He is with me always
From that same source of faith is born my intuition
Never once has my intuition failed me.

My intuition has NEVER been wrong.
From the day he told me he picked up his sister and then went home
To the day that other he told me he was just chillin' at home alone
I knew then and then and then again
Each time starting arguments with no smoking gun, no bloody knife no...
Used condom...

Baby where's the proof?
It's in my soul, but ok you want proof then let's go!
Lets see your phone, your texts your replies,
Oh no, now I'm tripping? Thought you had nothing to hide?

My intuition has NEVER been wrong...
From the day the doctors told me I had cancer and I told my parents I had none.
Through the months of worry and tests and clear liquid diets.
Each day smiling through everyone else's storm...
They thought it centered over my head..but it was within them instead.

Neicy where's the proof?
It's in my spirit, but you ok you want proof then I'll give it!
Lets sample my blood, my liver my kidney
Lets cut me open and percocet my recovery
Lets hear the doctors say what I knew all along

My intuition is REAL and it's NEVER been wrong.

#6 of 30 Sometimes

Sometimes I fantasize about jumping on the tracks
Not because I wanna die, I just really wanna fly
Separate my essence from the cage its housed
My soul is trapped by the desires of my body and
I wonder if I'd recognize my spirit without the flesh

Sometimes I think you of you when I'm staring at a stranger
I try to picture your thoughts in their head and
I wonder if I could love them instead
Or does it matter that I'm me and you're you
is that the only way for the message to come through?

Sometimes I cry when I'm happy and laugh when I'm sad
I dance when I'm miserable and stand completely still in contentment.

Sometimes I listen to your silence and try to understand
The rhythm between your sounds
I imagine how I'd dance to you if you were a song
It would probably be more like a choreographed stage production
Than a two step and a clap to the beat.
I guess, more or less...

Sometimes I picture you in 20 years
This version of the man you'd be
I wonder how you'd celebrate your anniversaries
How many new people call you "Dad" or maybe even "Pops" or "Grandpa"
Do you always have a dollar for the little one?
Is there love in your heart or unfulfilled dreams?
And does this new you include a new me?

Sometimes I dream.

#5 of 30

Hello? Oh...hey baby....
You do? I miss you too honey
So whatchu doing right now?
I'm just laying down...
Of course you're on my mind
I was just remembering last time
*giggle* You remember too...
Yeah that's when I did that thing to you
Ok, well let me refresh your memory...
I stood you up in front of me
Slowly got down on my knees
Put my hand on your bulge and gave a gentle squeeze
Unbuckled your belt, undid your button and zipper
Pulled down your pants and your boxers, watched your lips quiver
Took that part of your body that throbbed for me
And kissed it with wet lips...softly and slowly
Used my tongue and soaked it from the shaft to the tip
Enclosed the base with my hands and parted my lips
Not too wide I still wanted you to feel the pressure
Just enough to get you warm, just enough to feel the pleasure
Alternating between licks and sucks I surrounded that dick
Used my palm to make sure you stayed nice and slick
Remember how you grabbed the back of my head and my hair?
And you stroked me deeply til I was gasping for air?
Then I laid you down on the bed and lay right beside you
Put you back in my mouth; different angle-different view
Slid you all the way inside, used my tongue and reached out
Felt you throb against my walls, like you were tryna bust out
Maybe you were tryna bust in me
So I found the rhythm that clearly
Made it feel more crazy
Til you said "Damn baby"
And that dam broke baby
I can still taste you on my tongue
As I swallowed every one
Then....what'd you say?
*giggles* fine...I'm on my way.

#4 of 30 Maybe...

When he looks at me, touches me, engages me,
I think maybe
Maybe I could be beautiful
Maybe I could shine bright
Maybe I could dwell in something other than night

I'll be patient of course, and we'll see in time
If fast forward looks the same as rewind
Will his touch still cause my skin to excite
His words cause my broken heart to unite?
Can we make our dreams more like reality
Or is that love fiction; fantasy
Will he be able to touch me from my soul
Better yet will I be able to relinquish control
Believe that the words he speaks he means
Quiet my instincts deafening scream
Instincts born of pain and hurt
Where second chances meant twice burnt
Transcend our pasts and the drama that pollutes
Breathe in clarity and exhale truth
How refreshing it would be to fill my air
With love, with passion, with him, with care
And remove the hesitancy brought by fear

I'll give him all the warmth I possess
And with this heat my want will transgress
Boil over into the need that fuels our motion
Feeds my soul, that's his potion
That's his magic without the tricks
The real deal (I'm hoping) signed with a kiss
I'm hoping to get this
(And this kiss)
I'm hoping to feel this
(With this kiss)
I'm hoping to keep this
(Don't stop this)

#3 of 30 How Dare I?

How dare I want what I want and expect to get?
Who am I to demand I be treated with respect?
How preposterous for me to give all that I am
And expect the same treatment from that man who's my man!?
Absurd for me to think that I should be treated
Like a Queen, like a woman who's special and needed
I should take what he gives and be gracious for all
"Oh thank you for this once a week 2 minute phone call!"
I should take what he writes me as all that I need
Why should he prove it with actions and deeds?
I should be happy, I have my own lap to ride
Fuck my desires, my conscious, my pride
I'll just smile and choke back my feelings of contempt
Why cry? In the end I will always accept
Arguing is futile, and ungragetful, and cruel
It only gives the pain such unneeded fuel
That fire burns brightly, can't you feel its heat?
So I'll throw in the towel, accept defeat.
Love, you jerk, being stronger than all
Now impossible to stand after that awful fall

But....maybe if I kiss him the way that he likes
And make him feel special and needed and desired
He'll give me the basics of what I hold sublime
Like patience, understanding, his presence, his time.
Sad really all I desire is to make him feel good and smile
And to have this reciprocated without me asking 10 times.
I want to submit to this man that I adore,
But I'm not here to carry out his menial chores...
At least not as chores, but as labors of choice
And without me having to give up or lose my voice
I'm proud of my strength, my beauty, my class
I will NOT be reduced to a maid and a peice of ass.
I WILL clean his house, make his dinner, raise his children
But not if these needs in my heart remains missing.

#2 of 30 (Untitled)

She loved him with agony
Sweet agony
The kind that escalated to ecstacy and then 180'd its way back to the pain
She knew that getting through the blows would eventually bring her again
To that place...where she can recognize his face
She suffered the lies to convince herself that tragedy was romantic
That knowing anguish was the only way to appreciate ecstatic
Foolish heart drowning in tears
Completely unaware
That the high it so eagerly seeked
Was way beyond her sinking reach
So sank she did and that heart once certain of its path
Lost the vision of tomorrow by the weight of her past

#1 of 30 (Twoetry)

I open my mind through this keyboard and out tumbles the raw, it
Seeps through the background noise 'til it finds its target
Often unconvinced of my own sincerity I chirp - sorry- tweet
Until someone finds their own truth through my words and adds an "RT"
I guess that validates me
Other times I close my hand over this mouse and click my way through
I find verses in conversations that should really be between two
Yet my eyes, your eyes, and the eyes of the intended
Flow greedily over their truth and find ways to bend it
Like Bekham
Or like some mechanical dummy
I transform these words into melodies
Hum them, chant them, recant them for fiends
We add a pound to a phrase and patent our genius
And all this feeds us
All day long
Guess following these @s is like following a song
Only way to find creativity since Internet killed the radio star
Oops! Sorry, Video killed the radio star...
So what's responsible for the death of song in our hearts?
I guess it's been too long since we loved that hard
And the absence of it's presence made our minds go wander
Like this poetry it's searching for a meaning, but it's under-
Cooked, under-fed, under-read, under-nourished
Fuck it. By #30 I'll be ready, and I'll flourish.