Spring

I stare out the window wondering when the snow will melt. When will the skies change from gray to blue and the trees show shades of green welcoming chirping birds and playful squirrels? When will the array of colors rising from the ground inspire smiles again? I'm inpatient for the replacement of this harsh wind with a gentle breeze.

Boy Shorts. Tights. Socks. Pants. Bra. Tank. Sweater. Scarf. Down coat. Uggz. Ugh.
All this weight on my skin, on my spirit, on my eyes. Makes me sleepy and discontent...cranky.

I'm a winter baby with tropical blood; I need the sun.
I NEED the sun.

Bikinis. Bra. Sundress.
Light on my feet and in my heart I soar...the energy of the sun finds me, blinds me, revises my visions, nourishes my spirit.
I need that like white needs black...like skinny needs fat to be defined, one without the other causes the death of meaning in both.
But if I could I'd be forever without the cold and dwell only in the warmth

Then God touches me. Through the cold. Through the gray skies and the droopy eyes he shows me:
Spring is eternal; summer is within. The sun I seek is only a thought away.
Being a slave to external circumstances is to be held captive by invisible chains.
Close my eyes and allow Him to move through me and I can feel that Love only he knows of.
For a moment I'm in that place where sun meets sand meets ocean and the warmth of all three envelope me
"Remember Me," He says...
"Remember This."

I'll try.

Anymore

I wrote this song...6 years ago. Incredible how it applies today. I'm not a singer, I'm a writer, but I can carry a tune. My friend has convinced me to post it (despite my better judgement).

Here we go!

Love Lockdown Part Deux

Can't Wait

He changed my heart from something that beat fast and ryhtmically to something that slows and pauses and stutters and breaks.
He changed my mood from being something like a lover's groove to being something like lover's lament - heavy as cement and just as impenetrable...
Blah blah BLAH!

Shiiiiiiit...
I can't wait.
I can't wait to dead all this woe-is-me nonsense and be focused on the "Whoa is me!" contest that is life.
Because this is life!
Shit happens, hits the fan, then you can eat it and die
I prefer to rise above it (I think that's how you learn how to fly)


I can't wait til I'm shouting "What Was I Thinking"
Loud and clear to the heavens and the air
With a smile on my face; shaking my head at my heart's distaste
Moving forward with leisurely strides unless I'm moving on my grind

I can't wait til I'm embarrassed at the memory of loving who you think you are
Like, what was I smoking that had me thinking I should lower my bar...that far?
Musta been some kind of dream I was having; had you in loving colors you don't have the capability to imagine
Yet alone emulate; Yep! Can't wait!
'Cause then I'll be living in a state where you're not even worth it to hate

I can not WAIT 'til the next man takes me by the hand and my first reaction isn't to relate him to quick sand
And my pulse starts racing as my heart beat speeds up; flutters lightly when I see it's his number that's making my phone light up
Ooooh that first smile, that first date, that first touch, that first kiss, that first....
Sin.

Or maybe that first blessing when we both pray to God for bringing a brand new US through the storms and the miseries and the collective "yous"
Now they're nothing but shadows lurking in our rear view...
But we don't rear-view; we only look forward
Having learned to share the driver and the passenger side; having faith enough in US to take that ride
"One wheel in the middle; both hands on it;" speeding off into tomorrow like there's no brakes on it

I can't wait 'til I'm back to the woman I've created and not the version you used until I felt dilapidated.
I can't wait 'til I see again that light; the one I dimmed because for you it was too bright
I can't wait to be finally free
I can't wait to get back to me