Now That You're A Memory

If you thought the way I loved you was a thing most would envy
You should see how I'm loving him now that you're a memory
He doesn't make me worry 'bout where...
He's been or who he saw or...
What club he went to with his homies
He's strong enough to hold me
So I'm nothing like the old me
Now I'm proud to sing our whole truth.
But I'm happy to have known you
Because of every lie you told me
I can appreciate his honesty
His roots run deep into this love we're committing
I don't have to hope for next lifetime to find a joy I can live in
He's my everything -
So everything I'm giving him
Are reflections of the inner him
So naturally I'm into him
Even when I'm out with him
(I'm loving him)
Because of him I'm over "him"
Now everything feels good again
So when I smile, it's not pretend
My lover, my leader, my best friend
He's not an addiction; he doesn't alter my reality
He's not an affliction; he's not the kind of man who hurts me
He's no contradiction; he doesn't say what he doesn't mean
He loves with conviction: there's no denying what he feels for me
So why wouldn't I give him all the best parts of my affection?
Of course I'm making his happiness my love's only intention!
He carries my heart like a King, not the court's best jester
So the baggage and the damage from you I never let fester
I shed myself of negativity because of everything he's given me
I love him like my power comes from the goddess Aphrodite
I love him with urgency
I love him with passion
I give him positive energy
He turns his promises into action

You never allowed me to give you this kind of love
You were shady and kept me bound without the warmth of the sun
No, you weren't the one.
But I guess it was fun.
And though I don't regret loving you, I'm glad that we're done.

And If you thought the way I loved you was a thing most would envy
You should see the way I'm loving him,
Now that you're a memory.

Rough Night

He said he had a rough day so I'll let him give me a rough night
I'll take the pain without putting up a fight
Or maybe I might...
Depends on how he wants me to react
Close my eyes and take it? Or push and pull right back...
Fact:
He's worth the rug burns and the red ass and tomorrow's wash and set
He's worth the dizziness I'll feel when his hands are around my neck...
I don't ever regret letting him make me sweat and getting me soaking wet
I'm getting a little hot thinking about what he hasn't even started to do yet...
My Mission: Submission
Willing lips will take a firm grip of just the tip then the whole stick...
Eyes tearing up from trying to swallow my meal whole
Back of my throat swelling up to the stroke's tempo
He won't let go
Hands on the back of my head forcing me stay low
I'm ok though...
And if he doesn't want to let that pipe burst where I quench thirst,
He'll pick me up and turn me over to where we started first
I'll let him take out all of his days frustrations until he reaches that point of elation
That's why he knows when he feels down I'll give him that elevation
My rough night is how I'll save him from his rough day
Then I'll stumble up and ask him "baby are you hungry?"

He Thinks I'm....

He thinks I'm beautiful
The kind of beauty you see during a sunset
'Cause when he's with me it's the only time he feels blessed
And when he's in me is the only time he's not stressed
Not the model dime chic in the club your homies consider a conquest
Not a pageant winning carbon cut out wearing a tight dress
...or much less...
Yet still my beauty he admires on my worst day
And when we touch he proves he wants me in the worst way
He makes me come before and after like Friday to Thursday
He's never stingy with his love when it comes to word play
I must say-
He's in love with more than just what I appear to be
He takes the time to know the desires of the inner me
He encourages the talents even I don't see
And when I doubt, he kisses me slow until I too believe
...I'm beautiful.

Power

Damn baby...
You can just fuck me like that?
Make the chills run from my neck to the small of my back?
I used to fight this kind of love, but now I just relax
Now I just react -
Like the way a body naturally moves to the pounding of drums (boom-clack, boom-boom-clack)
This is bedroom music and you got the remix on repeat
How many times in one night can I reach new limits before you put me to sleep?
One...two...three...four...
Damn baby I can't take anymore
My confession breaks your intensity and you knowingly smile...
You whisper "yes you can" and I know you're gonna be in it for a while
I brace myself for the continuous flow of familiar pleasures
Back against the bed, legs up above my head he's taking extreme measures
I've begun to give in and not squirm so much
Been since college that in an hour I'd learn so much
You grab my ass and pull me up so only my head is touching the sheets
You never stop the rythm of the stroke and I'm in disbelief...
My eyes roll back as you reach the wall most never knew was there
First a tap, then a knock, now you're banging loud and clear
I roll my hips into your thrusts and I feel myself leaking
My eyes roll so far back I see what I'm thinking
Now my legs are shaking in reaction to the walls you're breaking
My body's torn between desire and exhaustion but I'm moving with no caution
You spread my legs wide and...holy shit you're in me deeper
Lean down and kiss me slow helping me to breathe in deeper
You're stroke is sending my body in a frenzy but your love is calming me down
And I'm two steps from heaven but 3 feet off the ground
You use sex as a weapon and you're killing me softly as it flows
I die in your arms like Shakespeare meant in his prose
I'm sure I'm not the first you've put in this hearse
But how many have put your actions to verse
So many flaws but so many perfections
So much beauty from so many erections
So much pleasure silencing so many questions
So much purpose but not many intentions
I can't recall how the seconds turned to minutes and then hours
But you're amazing and I'm gazing thinking "no one man should have all this power"

Beauty and the Beast

We spend every day remaking the hood version of beauty and the beast
But we're both kinda fly so its more like calamity and the peace.
They say you are the bull in my china shop
But there's no red to mess up your head so instead of charging you just huff a lot...
...and puff a lot.

Staring in my eyes you're calm
But outside distractions always bring the threat of your storm
I tell you to focus and I move slow
People warning me you're wild and untamed like I don't already know...
Like I don't already have a few scars on a few parts of my heart
Every time I think "this is how it ends," you're like "nah, this is how it restarts"
I get it.
And I see clearly how I might soon regret it.
But they don't feel nearly how much we connected
Or how we need barely a kiss to be tempted
So I end it and you mend it and we begin it again
The outside gets smaller and the bond gets stronger between lover and friend
Or am I simply in love with healing?
If so these wounds I'm feeling
Might as well be self inflicted since addiction is the reason I'm not leaving..

No.
I entertained the thought until I felt your heart - that's why I won't go.
I see beyond the mess and the stress to the part of you most don't know
It's the light I love, and while most see darkness to me you always glow

You're no bull; just more concerned with what you could than what you should
And I am not interested in being compared to rows of fragile goods
I am far from delicate in nature or composition
My reactions based not just on facts but on intuition
And my vision
I see far beyond my beauty and your beast
I see past this calamity...and into our peace.

FML

He said "Forget My Lies," like I can just rewind time
I said "Forgive Me Leaving," like I've made up my mind
He says "Face Me, Love," because my back is turned to his advances
I ask "Fight My Logic?" because I hate second chances
He suggests "Follow My Lead," and I feel my heart stir again
I plead "Free My Love!" like I'm bound by an invisible chain
He begs "Feel My Love," and now my heart is beating fast
I offer "Find Me Later?" so he can first remove his past
He whispers "Find My Lips" and moves closer to my body
I say "Fuck My Life" and give in because he's got me

Remembering

I can remember my heart was recovering from it's first shattering
And you were something that quieted my brain's chattering
You came by, all smiles and we spent time once again
I wonder if you knew that us being just friends was about to end;
We were one embrace from change;
And yet, none of it felt strange
You looked to me for that familiar hug at my door
Lost myself inside your arms and couldn't ignore it anymore.
Your gaze told me you knew this was bound to happen
Put your lips on my lips and ignited a new kind of passion
One I had never experienced before;
One I'd remember and crave forever more

I can remember you driving 300 miles
Bringing me presents and kisses and love through the night
We were secret lovers; you stole my lips, I stole your heart
Like magnets not much could keep us apart
We used to laugh and walk through campus speaking of music and each other
We'd crack jokes and discuss hopes of one future, but ended up in another

I can remember when we'd argue, years into our bliss
I'd feel neglected or you'd need space or I was just being a bitch
Either way you'd call and apologize,
Sometimes bring me roses to ensure my smile
Maybe I didn't show my appreciation, but I was grateful you were my mine
I tried to show you whenever you and I had our alone time

I can remember road trips down to Virgina's shore
We damn near bought out the liquor store
But ended up crashing side by side in drunken bliss
Ending the night with nothing more than a kiss
That's ok we needed nights where we just enjoyed each other's company
We had PLENTY of moments where we enjoyed each other physically
From a quickie on top of your car right in the middle of the street
To 3 hour sessions sexin with R.Kelly on repeat

I can remember music holding secrets that still only we know
Christion telling me to just leave my love and take off my clothes
Art of Noise giving us moments after we did 4 play 3 times
I'm not saying you were perfect, but at your best you were mine
Now I know we've both grown and we're probably better off
But if you wanna know how I felt it's just like that, and etcetera, etcetera...

I can remember it ending, but not because the love wasn't there
But we were young, and our problems too heavy a load to bare
Life changing decisions made in the presence of fear
For a while I would use a smile to cover the tracks of tears
We said goodbye but the energy kept drawing us together
So the next few years were spent mimicking the weather
Hot, cold, wet, dry,
Cool and clear or volatile.

I can remember when I knew we were really done
Years later and still wondered if you were the one
But I was holding on to some version of a different life
We'd grown apart and that's not wrong, even if it's also not right
Our separate paths cross again and again
You're not a stranger, lover, or friend
You're the evolution of someone I once belonged to
A memory faded into the background of a song I knew

I find myself humming it every now and again
But it doesn't sound the same to me now, as it did then.

"Raindrops keep falling on my head...."